Through the gap of the door, I looked at you and smiled. I purposely hid myself because I wasn’t ready for the possibility that you might greet me, or how I should greet you.
After you took five steps forward, I walked out of that room. I stopped, stood still, and kept my eyes on you. I don’t even know how I was looking at you back then. Was I smiling, or was I silently staring?
I saw you with her again. I couldn’t deny it because circumstances keep bringing you two together. You walked side by side, exchanging jokes. Your laughter could be heard, though faintly. I stood there, unsure of myself.
It has happened so many times already. I'm watching you from afar, with her.
I keep cursing myself for willingly liking someone like you. I want to deny it and end all of this, but at the same time, I cannot lie to what I feel.
Why does it have to be you?
That question keeps echoing in my mind every time I see you, or even just think of you. Why must I like someone who holds a much greater chance of hurting me?
There are so many signs telling me to stop liking you. I have fallen and risen again and again with these feelings. It has been almost a year. Sometimes I like you, sometimes I feel nothing. Then I like you again, then it fades. And now, I like you again.
Why does it have to be you? The one I always meet. The one close to me. The one with so many chances to face me again and again.
Why does it have to be you? Among so many men who might give me less pain, why must it be you that I fall for?
Unfortunately, what is too big is my feelings for you. Unfortunately, I keep demanding the universe to let our story end well. Unfortunately, I am too afraid to confess it to you. And unfortunately, you are my friend, and I do not even know how to voice this feeling.
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